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We are living in a war situation that is dramatic in every way. Disheartened parents, themselves filled with fears and uncertainties, have asked us for advice on how to guide their children during these particularly difficult times. As such, today we are exceptionally deviating from our usual articles to offer these recommendations to those who may need them.
War has taken hold of our country, and it seems likely to go on, with its devastating consequences both collectively and individually. Our environment is saturated with the rumble of bombings, shell explosions, sonic booms and other terrifying sounds.
Everyone, whether near or far from the war zones, is experiencing the exhausting effects of this situation with varying intensity, both physically and mentally. As parents, you naturally strive to mitigate its impact on your children as much as possible. Here are some tips that might help.
- Be aware of your own physical and psychological state. It is perfectly normal in these circumstances to feel fear and anxiety. Don’t keep silent. On the contrary, talk about it with your spouse or a trusted person. Dialogue is always an excellent way to externalize dark feelings and thoughts. Encourage communication among adults and with your children.
- Do not underestimate your child’s sensitivity or intelligence, regardless of their age. Their conscious but especially unconscious perception is developed enough to grasp what you may be trying to hide. Don’t downplay what is happening: avoid phrases like “it’s not serious,” “it’s nothing,” or “it will pass.” Don’t divert their attention. Your child is not fooled. They need you to be honest. They have the right to know the truth about what they are feeling, which is causing them fear and anxiety. Explain the reality of the situation, taking their age into account, with appropriate terms and without dramatization. Try to remain as calm as possible and be attentive to their comments and reactions.
- Don’t just speak yourself. Give your child the opportunity to express what they think and feel. Listen with your heart as well as your mind. Be understanding and kind, giving their words the importance they deserve. Accept that they may feel affected by the situation. Offer them the opportunity to express themselves through drawing, for example, or any other means that might help channel their emotions and feelings. Discuss it with them.
- The images or comments on TV and social media are overwhelming and sometimes depict shocking scenes, for both children and adults. Avoid exposing yourself and your children to this unrelenting stream. Don’t let yourselves be overwhelmed. Text exchanges can help you feel somewhat reassured, but use them in moderation.
- Be attentive to signs of distress or traumatic effects (sleep disturbances, nightmares, excessive or deficient eating, unusual irritability or nervousness, isolation, headaches, stomachaches, or other physical symptoms that may have a psychological cause, difficulty concentrating or focusing, unusual restlessness, etc.). If these signs persist, consult a competent psychologist.
- Sometimes, dangerous or traumatic situations can trigger memories of past painful experiences for you or your child. Be open to the memories, feelings and thoughts that arise. Accept them with tolerance, and always remember that the best approach is to talk about them, not to keep them hidden. Always do so with a trusted person.
- Maintain your usual daily routine as much as possible.
- Continue, if possible, your regular sporting or cultural activities, as well as those of your children.
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